You reconciled and that’s great! Couples do divorce and then realize they made a mistake. It’s not easy remarrying someone but second marriages to the same spouse can work.
Some of the reasons spouses decide that they want to get back together include:
- Couples may not realize what they meant to each other until they live apart.
- Living the single life may sound grand – but it can be lonely.
- Being single can make some couples feel like they world is passing them by.
- The former spouses may have needed time to find themselves.
- Some couples divorced impulsively. The spouses may never have fallen out of love.
If you and your ex think you made a mistake, and you’re willing to try again, that’s pretty special. Before remarrying, though, spouses should understand the root causes why they felt divorce was their only option, so they ensure that they don’t face those issues again – or, that they can address them in a healthy way, if needed.
Practical suggestions before you plunge back in
There are a few things that couples should do before they get remarried:
- Be honest. Spouses should tell each other their concerns and worries along with their expectations and dreams. Make honesty your new policy this time around.
- See a marriage counselor. The counselor can help you focus on your differences and on your common bonds. He/she can help you understand how to recognize and resolve disputes in a mature way.
- Take things slowly. Marriage should be for love, not because you can’t be bothered dating again, or because you’re “comfortable” with the other person. Remember, though, that marriages are also partnerships, and it can take time to rebuild real trust.
- If you have children, you need to strike the right balances. They should be made aware their parents are dating again. Parents need to know whether they are getting back together for their own sake or for the sake of their children.
- Couples may want to consider a prenuptial agreement. Prenups are important, in part because you may get divorced again, but also because it’s a way of putting the first marriage to rest. Prenuptial agreements get a bad rap, but they’re helpful documents when it comes to estate planning, and to protecting your kids.
- Don’t make the same mistake twice. It’s important to get to the core of why you divorced in the first place. As Patty Smyth sang, sometimes love just ain’t enough. Before you jump back into marriage, make sure this is really what you want, and that your relationship can be healthy for both of you. A spouse who abuses you physically, emotionally, or psychologically is not acting our of love. If you see signs of that behavior, do not get married again.
At Shepherd and Associates, P.C. our experienced East Tennessee family lawyers understand the emotional side of divorce as well as the legal side. We work with counselors to evaluate the state of your relationships and those of your children. We consult, when necessary, with financial professionals to determine the value of the marital property and the amount of income each spouse earns. To schedule an appointment at our office in Maryville, please phone 865.225.9655 or complete our contact form to make an appointment.