Oftentimes, after a divorce, the very children you raised and brought into this world start to slip from your grasp- a terrible reality that often affects millions of divorced parents. In just a snap, daily texts turn into monthly updates, and weekly visits start to become ones that happen every other month. All of a sudden, it’s like your children never knew you existed. The divorce process is often highly stressful for both former spouses. However, children are also left to deal with loneliness, grief, and emptiness that come as an aftermath of separation.
Fighting against the overwhelming possibility of losing touch with your kids after a divorce requires a huge amount of effort and attentiveness. Immersing yourself in the dilemma will call for you to show absolute care, concern, love, and trust- especially at a time like this when they need you more than ever.
Whenever parents fail to involve themselves in the process of maintaining a strong relationship with their children, it becomes painful for everyone else to witness. This is because all children deserve better, especially because they tend to carry a pain deep inside of them- a pain that they can’t express and understand.
If you don’t want this to happen to your little ones, here are some that might help you avoid losing the valuable connection they have with you, keeping them engaged in the process:
Talk, talk, talk
Talking here doesn’t necessarily refer to conversations about politics, sports, or anything you’d like- talking in this sense refers to the importance of communication between you and children during this delicate process.
Zone in on what your kids would like to talk about, or how they feel; getting your kids to open up during this crucial time will help you in the long run by avoiding the possibility of unintentional ignorance.
Most non-custodial and custodial parents alike make the mistake of avoiding communication with their children because they feel they might end up resenting them. NO. Avoiding communication is what will make your children harbor strong, deeply-rooted negative feelings that will make it even harder for you to maintain a healthy relationship with your children as time passes. Simply texting them “I love you” or asking how their day was will suffice during a fresh divorce and help you foster a loving relationship with your children in the long-run.
Enjoy activities along with them
At first, your kids might respond with a “nah” without even looking up from their phones, making you feel discouraged, but doing activities with them is the best way to form a strong bond that will last a lifetime. Go on a road trip, camp out in the words, try out a new sport, or do other things that will allow you to spend some much-needed quality time with your kids. Even watching their favorite TV show with them may help you to form a great relationship with them. The time spent during these activities will allow your children to confide in you with trust and allow them to be more comfortable with loving you with their all. With time being of the essence, it’s important to set aside a good portion of your own towards being able to bond with your kids- especially when they need your presence in their lives the most.
Keep up with their lives
This tip involves having to go the extra mile by being updated with what goes on in their lives at all times, even when they don’t tell you. They may be too shy to tell you about football games, prom nights, or even graduations! Get in contact with other important people in their lives, such as coaches and teachers so you can keep tabs on them and even help them out in any way you can. As a non-custodial parent, you still have the right to be involved in their lives in every way you can; that being said, remember to not be too intrusive as that might cause them to push you away.
These three tips are just a few of the countless pieces of advice you may come across when trying to understand how you can be more involved in your children’s lives and maintain long-lasting relationships with them. Always be involved as much as you can, in words and in deeds, and your efforts will definitely go a very long way. Shepherd and Associates can be of practical assistance in mediation and child support negotiations – get in touch today to see how we can help.